“That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.”

- Isaiah 43:4 (MSG)

There is no love story greater than this.

one year.

When I think back to a year ago, I see myself as a sheltered, scared 19 year old. A girl who was desperately holding onto the small, seemingly perfect life she had. I fought hard the change that going away to school brought. I didn’t want to be happy there…and I wasn’t. I wanted someone to tell me that it was ok to come home and never go back. I’m thankful everyday that no one in my life said those words to me. In the past year, I learned to find joy in small situations. I learned to rely on God and he provided with two of the best friends I could ever ask for. I learned that I am more outgoing than I ever thought. 
I never thought I would be excited to go back to ISU. A year ago I never thought I would find friends and a community there. I never thought my heart would ache to be back with those new friends and that loving community. So in the past year I’ve learned that change can be hard and trying but it is also beautiful. More beautiful than I ever could have imagined.

Tuesday.

Today, I was awoken at 4:45 am by the LOUDEST thunder I have ever heard. Honestly, my heart was beating so hard for at least five minutes. I didn't fall back asleep until 5:45 so my 6:15 alarm seemed much too early. I was at home this morning because I have my clinicals in Champaign. I love waking up at home because I know there is a keurig waiting for me to make coffee with. After I made my pumpkin spice coffee, I proceeded to have mini pancakes for breakfast. Much better than the cold cereal I have at my apartment. 

I left my house around 7:15 and headed into Champaign to the school. I'm supposed to arrive at 7:40 but I didn't get there until 7:45 because some roads around the school were flooded. I had a great day in my classroom. The students are really starting to bond with me and a few of them were sad when I said I would only be coming back three more times. I'm still not sold on teaching third grade but this class is slowly changing my mind. I was at the school until 2:15 and then I headed home.

Once home, I did my daily pushups, had a snack, and did some homework. My friend, Ebby, also posted our engagement photos yesterday so I spent a lot of time looking at those. My dad came home early from work sick, around the same time my mom arrived home. My mom decided we would go to an early dinner since she had a meeting at 5:30. We went to a local restaurant, The Wingery, around 4:30 and I had a grilled honey bbq chicken sandwich. It was really good and I loved having the opportunity to chat with my mom. 

After dinner, I began my drive back to my apartment. Luckily, I got the new Taylor Swift CD yesterday which made my drive something to look forward to. When I got back to my apartment, I spent time talking with Morgan, Amanda, and Alex. I worked on some things then got coffee with a friend. I am slowly learning that talking about things that bother me face to face is the best way to get things resolved. There is no point in bottling things up or just pushing them aside. Sometimes, confrontation is necessary. After coffee, I had my leadership meeting. We go over our study for the week and spend time getting to know each other and be in God's word. It is also a refreshing time. Throughout leadership, my head began to hurt more and more. This is the second night in a row that I've gotten a bad headache. I went to bed early hoping it would go away with rest. That didn't quite work as I am now typing this while I lay in my bed. I should be in class but my headache was enough to make me stay home. 

Today, the best thing that happened was getting out of my night class an hour early! I was able to get homework done and have important conversations with my roommates. I've learned today to be more intentional with the people in my life. This time will never be here again. I'll never have hours of free time each day to hang out with people. Instead, I waste it away doing things solely for myself. I'm heading to Encounter now, one of the best parts of my week!

This weekend I was able to spend two full days with my fiance, Zach. It was great and I am always grateful for anytime we get to spend together. Zach reminded me of an important thing when we were together. I struggle with self confidence and insecurities. We took our engagement pictures this weekend, and afterwards Zach said to me, "I just wanted to shout at you and tell you that you're beautiful. You have no reason not to be confident." Later, he hugged me and told me three sentences that I desperately needed to hear and be reminded of. He said, "You are beautiful. You are charismatic. You are a leader." I am so thankful for this man of Christ. He is continually uplifting me and helping me fulfill the life God has set out for me.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've been blessed with a wonderful community here at ISU. I met my roommates through Encounter and have made best friends through this ministry. Most importantly, I truly discovered who God made me to be through Encounter. As I've become more involved with Encounter, I've seen how messy ministry can get. It's not always simple because there are people involved. People get messy. This year, I know God is teaching me to love others. No matter what is happening to me, I need to love others. As this year has progressed, I have felt my heart closing off towards others because I didn't want to put the effort into loving them. How foolish is that? This morning I read 1 Corinthians 6:19, where Paul says "You are not your own. You were bought at a price." I realized how naive I was to think I could choose what I wanted to do, not love others, because it was easier. Yes, God gave me the option of free will, but I'm learning that I don't like the choices I make alone. I have felt run down and unfulfilled because I was taking the easy way out. Through His word and meaningful conversations with others, God has allowed me to see that I need to love anyways, even when it's not what I want to do.

simple things.

This year I made the pact of writing down a simple thing that happened each day that made me smile. It started with a jar that I filled with post its but I quickly ran out of room and have been writing on pieces of paper since June. Some days, these things are big, like getting engaged or moving back to school. Lately, they've been small things, like hugs or smiles from friends. I decided to do this to make sure I sought the good God has provided me with each day. I can't wait until January 1 so I can read about the past year through simple things.

Today's simple thing was that I successfully completed 11 push-ups (and the fact that my six hours of class flew by). I have been doing push ups for the past 10 weeks and adding a real push up each week. I know, eleven push ups doesn't sound like much but I am proud of myself! Building up my wedding dress arms :)